I´ve been asked why I choose my blog to be explicitly for women. When you´ve moved abroad together with your husband or partner, you probably already understand why I did that. There are actually significant differences between the experiences of masculine and feminine expatriates. Therefore I thought a woman´s point of view would generally be more interesting to women.

Nevertheless, expat men are more than welcome to read my blog as well of course. I am sure there is plenty of useful information for both genders. In fact, this very blog post is an excellent example ;-). Gender differences among expatriates are an important issue to take into account when making this big step together.

Expatriation is Teamwork

The act of moving abroad is both exciting and occasionally stressful. No wonder that pressure regarding all life areas sometimes causes turmoil in expat marriages and relationships. Excellent teamwork and supporting each other’s process is of great importance. Being aware of the gender differences helps to understand your partner to maintain balance and harmony in your new lives.

Possible Gender Differences

In practice men feel sooner at home in their new country than women do. They usually have different needs and wants that are more easily to realize. The differences in needs can definitely lead to misunderstanding and confusion which makes expatriate couples extra vulnerable. Recognizing the distinction makes it easier to support one another.

Men feel sooner in their element,
but they aren´t really happy with their new lifestyle
until their partner is.

Gender Difference 1 – Reason vs. Emotion

The decision process for expatriation differs considerably between men and women.

Men are able to make the step abroad without many expectations. Whatever happens, he´ll finds a solution. He focuses on the ultimate goal and doesn´t let him distract too much. Like this he keeps out doubt and insecurity which gives him the needed confidence and direction.

Women, on the contrary, try to feel how it would be to live abroad. She tries to imagine what can go wrong and wonders whether she could deal with that. Bit for bit she analyses possible doom situations. By thinking of solutions on beforehand she basically prepares herself for the big step.

Gender Difference 2 – Freedom vs. Togetherness

At the individual level, men pursue different desires abroad than women.

Freedom in terms of “doing what you like” is for men an important reason to expatriate. This wish is fairly easily to realize; after all the basis of moving abroad is the freedom to create life exactly as you want to live it. In a new environment, there is nothing to hold him back going his own way.

Women, on the contrary, prioritize connecting to people and establishing valuable friendships. She wants to share her experiences with fellow expats and wants to be able to be herself among the locals as soon as possible. This requires more time since she depends on fellow-citizens and her language skills.

Gender Difference 3 – Work vs. Family

A gender difference presuming that the fundamental roles in the family are traditionally divided.

If men fulfill the working role abroad, they are pleased to either work independently or enjoy a higher position on a job assignment. In spite of making many hours, he is happy to have a purpose and challenge on his own while enjoying cool benefits from working abroad.

Women accompanying their men watch over the home and family situation. Especially when children move along, she feels responsible for of the health and well-being of her family. While she bears the interests of the other family members, it is difficult to stay in touch with her own inner needs.

Gender Difference 4 – Equal vs. Unequal

Depending on your background and new living area, women may deal with gender inequality.

If women are used to an equal treatment from men, it will be more difficult to adjust to a culture where women have a different position. Women moving to such cultures should therefore prepare themselves for being perceived and treated differently.

Learning to ignore the unwanted attention and trying to deal with feelings of powerlessness are part of her adaptation process. It takes time and effort to find a new type of strength for managing this kind of male chauvinism or machismo as it is called in Latin America.

Stick Together to Grow Together

The gender differences illustrate why women sometimes need more time to find their place abroad than men. For expatriate couples it is essential to acknowledge each other´s needs and to recognize that each other´s support enables living abroad in the first place. Expatriation can really be great for your marriage or relationship but you need to cooperate.

Obviously, every person, situation and couple is different. I can imagine couples where the above mentioned gender differences work exactly the opposite way. In any case, acknowledgment and recognition are the right tools to work as a team, avoid conflict, grow as a couple and create life abroad as you had imagined it to be – together.

Do you recognize the described gender differences? Or have you noticed other differences between you and your partner? Please share your experience, ideas and feedback via the comment section below. And feel free to share this blog post via Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and Pinterest. Thank you!