Don´t we all say “See you on Skype!” at our goodbye parties? We plan to keep in touch but do we really? How often have we said that and with how many friends and relatives do we actually keep closely in touch? “See you soon!” is another one. People find our future home abroad often an attractive holiday stay and are tempted to pass by any time soon. But how many have and take the chance to come along?

In the beginning I felt responsible: The one who´s leaving should take the initiative – I thought, which is not a bad attitude at all. However, like maintaining any long-distance relationship it demands effort of both sides. In the digital era we´re living in, contact on a distance has never been as cheap and easy. Nevertheless, in the end it´s people who have to work for it…

Establishing New Relationships with Old Friends

The persons you leave behind learn to deal with your departure. Although they will undoubtedly miss you, they´ll find a way to fill up the emptiness. You´ll be seeing each other less and when you see each other it´s going to be longer and more intensive in some cases. In the beginning, the impact of this new situation on your relationships back home is unclear.

After a while, you notice who´s interested in staying in touch, in what way and its frequency. It´s possible that you feel disappointed by some contacts, however, others might surprise you. Some people are simply not the type for email and Skype friendships. Others feel fine with a mutual Facebook like or comment every once in a while.

Anyway, both parties are searching for a new kind of relationship: some friendships wither, some remain strong by nurturing them every now and then, and rare ones develop even stronger.

How the Rare Ones Develop Stronger

I´m not the type that calls home every day. An example: I talk to my sister on Skype every three weeks and we have occasionally contact via What´s app. It´s really not a lot if you consider that we see each other at the moment not more than once a year.

We maintain our “sisterhood” by:

• Having contact on a regular basis
• Building mutual trust to establish a new kind of relationship together
• Exhibiting interest for each other’s worlds

I think that the essential change in the new relationship involves a different behavioral approach. Whereas at home, we usually do things such as playing board games, watching movies, seeing places or going shopping, now we are restricted to talk.

Talking gets a different dimension. By giving each other a couple of weeks space we collect new thoughts and experiences to share during the next Skype date. This makes every call an important one with new input from both sides. The result is being firm friends without being physically together.

When Years Feel like Days

Last week, my sister wrote me about a TV program she´d watched. People were interviewed while waiting at the international arrivals hall of Amsterdam Airport. Typical questions: Who are you waiting for? Where have they been? For how long? The right questions to trigger emotional and inspiring stories.

I watched the episode on the Internet. It broadcasts a sister living in the Netherlands who is waiting for her sister living in New York. They haven´t seen each other for 12 years. The reporter wonders: Won´t it be strange to be reunited after such a long time? Her answer is resolute: “No, I´m sure it will feel like yesterday.”

My phone beeps, a message of my sister is coming in:
“She´s right! That´s exactly how it feels!”

For a long time we didn´t know how this living overseas situation would work out for us. Now we can both agree: Physical distance isn´t much of a hindrance to maintain good contact. Let Skype, FaceTime or any similar video chat application become part of your lives and enjoy great family and friend relationships on a distance.

How do you keep in touch with your family and friends back home?